Friday, April 21, 2006 @ 7:42 pm - living in NTU hall

maybe i might be spoiled by living in NUS hall with my precious gals... i really hate staying in NTU hall... so what if it's new and all? nobody stays in my hall that i know.. nobody i know studies in school and get me out of the room (besides ilona whom i actually paiseh to go find).. the point is that i'm all alone in the hall... oh yeah and four walls oh and some bugs that flew in accidentally... thank goodness for the wonders for the internet and i am not completely cut off from the world...

i miss the times in Sheares where i got all my good gfs ard... someone to talk to when i'm bored.. someone to listen to my troubles when i need a listening ear.. someone i can study with when i'm not efficient on my own.. someone to eat meals with... we share food share pillows and share troubles... here at NTU i have none of those... didn't want to stay in a double with a foreigner hence i chose a single room..

staying alone is wat i wanted to all along... yet is not as simple as what i think... i want the freedom yet i want to have somebody to have stay with me... somebody to talk to or just simply be with... yet we all need our personal space sometimes... i don't want to have somebody bother and control me all the time... yet it is nice to have someone do that from time to time... i want to be loved and be cared for sometimes yet not all the time... i want independence... i don't want to be told what to do... i believed that staying away from home could give me all these.. yet... staying in NTU made me think otherwise... alternative is to get a room mate and move out... any takers for a pmsy gal? i'm usually very understanding at other times ;)

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was typing this post when my mum talked to me... it's like having reality crushing at my feet when i've been sort of avoiding all this time... my head rang an alarming "i should leave" yet this is a reality that i cannot escape... the reality of life... to come home and avoid the 4 walls yet i come home to more stress... sometimes there is really no escaping... you can't just leave a situation behind and say you want out because that is never gonna happen... i can only hope that everything will turn out fine...

funny today i listened... which i should have for a long time... but it didn't make me feel any better... not that it should but at least i should feel thankful for having listened... chided my mum for forcing her ideas on us... sometimes i think it is really not fair for us to grow up this way... but then it is her way for showing us concern... hope i didn't hurt her with wat i said...

think i'm always running... running from problems and creating another world that i hope to live in.. yet life is not bed of roses... my life is not only about me but also my family and frens... it isn't what i want to choose to be in my life and who not to... simply because i have no choice... yet i don't want to sound ungrateful for not being thankful for what i have... of course i am grateful... yet i do not fully appreciate what i have... the likes of a stubborn and wilful person... fun is not all there is in this world... there are other things to accomplish... other things to feel and appreciate of... i seriously have to grow up... yet somehow i will be forced to grow up even though i don't want to... i know she loves me... my family does... anybody still love this ungrateful and wilful gal?

疯婆子.

The heart was made to be broken. Oscar Wilde

Pic of the Moment.

My Sweeties.

ahfen cheechee fangrui pika xin melmel famous5 sam sis

Shoutz Box.

Wishlist.

+ beach holiday @ Club Med

+ beach holiday @ Contiki Bali

+ beach holiday in Banyan

+ Diving trip next yr

+ A perm marketing higher paying job that i love

+ a diamond ring

+ happiness

My Resolutions.

1. procrastinate less

2. put more heart into wat i do

3. Love myself more

4. be nicer to my parents

5. save for masters, hopefully overseas

6. save enough to get my own place

My Past.

March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 September 2007

Credits.

Layout: I
Fonts: I
Image: I
Brushes: I II